I may need an attitude adjustment

Lately I haven't been in the best frame of mind. I am so frustrated with the system and all I want to do is scream and throw something against the wall (though I've yet to do either, so no worries). I previously posted about some money that was supposed to be reimbursed to us that will go toward a playground for Madi. After another round of calls and messages, and no answers or replies of course, Tami put me in touch with someone who advocates for families and helps resolve problems they are having. I finally found out that the paperwork I resubmitted must be lost in the mail because they are still not showing they got it. I am not sure why they could not just tell me that, but at least I finally know. So today I spent about 1 hour getting everything in order again to once again resubmit it. I did not get to finish and could not sleep until it was done and I could once again see the office floor, so I spent another hour and a half or so copying, compiling, organizing, and writing letters. This, of course, is not the only issue we are having. We still do not have her walker, which came in over a month ago and we should already have, but they are having a hard time getting authorization from her secondary insurance. We do not have her wheelchair or bath chair either. I have left multiple messages to see where these items are and when we should expect to get them, and no one has returned my calls. I was dealing with trying to get Conner in speech therapy which meant calling the doctor to get the referrals in the right place, talking to companies, and trying to figure out the cheapest way to get him a hearing test (which involved calls to the hospital, a few offices, and insurance). Then there is Madi's catheters. Don't get me started on that one. Apparently the company we were going through (edgepark) does not take her secondary insurance, only her primary. We found that one out after a lovely bill over $160 for a month worth of caths. The place her secondary referred me to only takes her secondary, not her primary, and the place that company referred me to only takes her primary. Confused yet? So am I. So with one box of caths left, I still have 0 places to get the caths from. I've called her primary insurance, her secondary insurance, and her urologists office, and no one seems to know where we can go. Nice. Then there is the neurosurgeon appointment I've been trying to make for a little over a month. There is always something else they need, someone else they need to talk to, someone else I have to call. Madi is due for a shunt series and CAT scan, but because her neurosurgeon changed offices, we have to start from scratch and it's taking forever. Then you throw in to the mix that Conner just started preschool 2 days a week, which I volunteer at least 2-3 times a month, I started homeschooling the kiddos the other 3 days (nothing big but it still requires prepping and planning), Madi is in therapy 3 times a week, Conner finally got tested to see if he qualifies for speech therapy (he does) and will now be going twice a week, and everything else that goes along with life. Needless to say, having to spend my Friday night dealing with insurance was the icing on the cake.

I am grateful we are getting the refund for part of the medical bills that we paid early this year. When we paid those bills, we were not expecting to get reimbursed. I am thankful they backdated her secondary insurance so these bills would be covered.  I still find myself getting very frustrated, though.  Madi is such an amazing blessing and makes it all worth while, but I really wish all of this extra 'fun' stuff would just disappear. I don't think it's fair that families have to deal with so much junk when they have so much else to do and think about. I know seeing Madi and Conner play on a playground, together, because it fits both their needs, will make it all worth while. I know the freedom and thrill Madi gets from being able to play independently with the other kids, high up in the air where she normally cannot get, will make me forget this mess in a second. I know all of this, but I still wish I got to spend my time on other things. I'd like to use that pedicure gift certificate David got me for Christmas in 2008 and I'd like to use the cooking class giftcard he got me too. I would like to wake up refreshed in the morning. I would like to spend my time with my family, instead of on the phone. It is times like these, though, that I remind myself that God tells us his presence is with us and He will give us rest.  I know it will all work out in the end and it will be worth the hassle.  When I look at Madi's sweet face I remind myself of all I have to be thankful for. Taking care of insurance may not be fun, but it is part of taking care of Madi, and I still would not trade it for the world.